WALLS

I was recently sent this quote. I've been reading it over and over again and decided I would put it on this blog. Here it is...

“I made a cloister of my body and a garden of my soul. The stones of the cloister wall were my nights, and my days were the mortar. Year after year, I built the walls. But in the center I made a garden that I left open to heaven, and I invited God to walk there. And God came to me.” Sandoz turned away, trembling. “God came to me–and the rapture of those moments was so pure and so powerful that the cloister walls were leveled. I had no more need for walls. God was my protection. I could look into the face of the wife I would never have, and love all wives. I could look into the face of the husband I would never be, and love all husbands. I could dance at weddings because I was wedded to God, and all the children were mine.”-Mary Doria Russellfrom "Children of God"

I think the reason I'm so haunted by these beautiful words is because I recognize my own walls that I have built over the years. It's sobering, really, to acknowledge such a thing, but the honesty of doing that allows the Spirit to intervene in ways only the Spirit can. I like how Mary Doria Russell writes that Sandoz left an opening in the top for heaven and invited God to come into her garden. And because of such a wise thing to do, the walls she had built over the years came crumbling down; walls were no longer needed because God was her protection. Because of this, she could have intimacy with people she had never experienced before.

As I used this metaphor during my prayer time, I began to think about the walls I have built up. I know they are there. But, I began to ponder where I have sensed God. Is he coming from on high down into my garden? Where is He?

If I were honest, and I'm attempting to be that in this post (and vulnerable), I would say that I have sensed the Lord on the outside of my walls. Circling my walls. Like at Jericho; marching around and around and around. I see the trumpet at his side and they make me curious. I know He's up to something, but what is it? Because I know the story well, I have this sense He is going to do something wild and, with one loud blow on the trumpet, will knock down my walls and storm my city.

That's why I like this quote. In this quote, God doesn't storm the city demanding to come in. God comes to the center of the garden and, as a result of the intimacy there, the walls crumble and are no longer necessary. Bringing the walls down from within is such a better picture than attacking the walls from the outside and demanding access to the garden of my soul.

What about you? You probably have walls up also. Most people do. They come as a result of the harshness of life. The loss of a job. The illness of someone close to you. The sting of a relationship gone sour. Like Nehemiah, we build walls to protect our city from being sacked by those outside not worthy of trust. Yet, the Lord is one to be trusted. He is the one that comes to bind up the brokenhearted. It says so in scripture. So, how do we allow that to take place? In my warped picture, Jesus was on the outside of my walls because I put him there. He got put there with all the others. I guess I didn't mean to do it, but I did. Oh, and BTW, I'm a lousy wall builder.

So, I've decided to work on the garden....literally. I'm going outside to work on the lawn… that is raking the leaves. But also I got challenged this last week to spend 30 min everyday in quiet with God. Yikes! I tell myself this is a lot of time but I know how much I need this time. So far this experiment has been really rewarding. This time alone has invited Him draw close and give him access to my garden; to tend to the vineyard of my soul.