church thoughts?

I have been one that has found myself angry frustrated and critical of the church. There has been several stories in my life that have left me hurt and angry at the church that I was going to at that time. Many of these made me question, why church, what is church supposed to be, was this how God intended it? If so do I want to follow this God?

For example in my life I have been told that a job of women is to be quiet and not ask questions in church? That I could not lead or be in ministry but needed to show this guy how to do this so he can do it during church and not me because I was a woman. I was told that I didn’t have my priorities straight and that I needed to stop hanging out with those friends, and hang out with these girls, and that soccer was too important to me and so I needed to quit so I could make it to all the church functions. I was even told that because I didn’t read my Bible that week I was no longer a Christian. I remember going to new church and walking in the doors of a new church and seeing the existing cliques of friends, and sitting alone. Another church welcomed me but only for a month then I was alone and I wasn’t like the cool kids at that church. I couldn’t play an instrument or sing in the worship band. I wasn’t well liked by their intern who had favorites in her small group and I wasn’t one of them.

I saw churches do things I didn’t understand how a church could do something like that like remove a staff member who had 5 kids, just widowed and was struggling to feed her family. How could they just take away her job at the church. Wasn’t church supposed to help those in need.

After all of these things I didn’t want to go to church. I became angry and bitter to those people and I remember saying that I just won’t go, see how they like that. I thought that it would matter to them. In fact no one even really noticed that I didn’t go to church except for me. I didn’t go for an entire year.

I wanted the church to be the living body of Christ so that when new people would walk into that they would see Christ embodied by the people there. That the aroma of Jesus would be there, people could see others giving to those in need in that community and the community outside those walls. That it wasn’t about them coming to get what they wanted out of church but giving even when its hard. If people could see differences in people gifts being celebrated and used instead of just worship. If it wasn’t about just good leadership but a good congregation. There were so many things that I wanted to see if the church could step out of all that I have seen it be. However, I wasn’t doing anything to help I was just like those that I was frustrated with. I was selfish and I didn’t go thinking it was all about me and they would notice if I was not there. Well again no one knew.

That was me three years ago, which is not long ago. After this long year of not going to church I came here to 4C’s because a professor of mine believed in me and thought that I could work in a church. I didn’t want to go to church and then I am deciding to come and work at a church discipline high school students. I wanted to have it all together to be seen as correct in the eyes of the church this time wanting to get it right. Be the leader I never got. To be the change that never got to happen. Have I got it all right…heck no! Have I changed a lot of what I wanted…no! Again its not about ME changing the church! Its about US choosing to look at church in a whole new way. A way that is not about consuming church but us participating in church.

Let me talk about this church briefly. This church has given me a time of healing through the brokenness. Really a time of forgiveness because church is run by people that are just like me, imperfect, searching for answers to this God thing, and getting life wrong at times. Its going to make mistakes. Have I made mistakes as a youth leader…yes! I am sorry for all the times I didn’t call someone back, or said the absolute wrong thing during coffee. There are probably things that I have done or haven’t done that have hurt people. I am not perfect.

Has this church done something that frustrated you? Angered you? Ya probably! Maybe we aren’t entertaining enough. Maybe you liked it better when we did things that way or this way.
You have a choice just like I did when the church frustrated me, angered me, whatever you feel…you can either say well I just won’t go, or they will figure it out I am not going to do anything differently. Or you can be that change that you want to see. You could tell a leader what you desire for this church for this community. Perhaps you see a need outside these doors and want have us go downtown and talk and serve to homeless people. Perhaps you know of a family that needs extra help and would like the church to help out. There are so many things that are going unnoticed by all of us. Could we start to look more like the church that Jesus would want? Is that too hard?

I was listening to a song during worship and I related it to maybe this is what church could look like.

Oh no, You never let go

Through the calm and through the storm

Oh no, You never let go

In every high and every low

Oh no, You never let go

Lord, You never let go of me

God didn’t give up on us he never lets go of us, maybe we aren’t to be so quick to give up on the church. Every church has its calm moments, moments where its on the mountain top, those are easy! But what about the storms or the low times do we just leave? That’s not what God has done for us.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on

And there will be an end to these troubles

But until that day comes

Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Yes there is a light coming for all of us and for this church here. There will be an end to this transition. But will we continue to gather and to praise him? Will we continue to trust in God’s will for this church?

So my hope is that we can become more of a participant in church rather than just consuming it. That we can understand that church isn’t about me and what I can get, or don’t get. Its not about getting angry and frustrated. That each of us are this church and are we willing to be the Body of Christ.